Thursday, August 14, 2008


Everytime someone sees these shoes, they always tell me how cute they are. I bought them for $20 a few months ago and have only worn them maybe three times. All they seem to do is sit by my door.

Last night, I went for a run in them. Well, it didn't start out as a run, since I obviously wouldn't choose a pair of slip-ons to exercise in. But at 9:00 pm (which is a time I can go for a walk safely in the suburbs; take that, north Minneapolis!), I opened the front door to go for a walk and my legs just started sprinting.

I don't know why I ran, but I did as hard as I could. I wanted to feel my heart explode, or my entire body explode. I couldn't keep the running up for very long because I could feel my knee giving out. And since tripping, falling and rolling along the pavement didn't seem to have the same effect, or level of drama as a bodily explosion of some sort, I walked the rest of the night.

I've been feeling anxious and restless the last couple weeks and it seems to have built at a rapid pace over the last weekend, forcing my body to relieve stress through rash means, like running. I know why I'm feeling this way. I'm starting to feel the stress of this fall coming. I don't have a job yet. I want a job. Badly. I don't know if there is a school district in the metro I haven't applied to yet. I hate you, NCLB, for fresh starting those schools in Minneapolis. I need a place to live in October. I can't start looking for a place to live until I know how much I'm making or where I'm working. I don't have insurance. I'd like insurance, even though I probably don't need it. But I've never been without it, so I'm feeling a little panicked to have it. At this point I don't really care what I do for work, so long as I make enough to live in the metro area, and it has benefits. It's all so cyclical and that makes the whole situation even more irritating. I can't sleep because of it, so this morning I woke up at 4:30 and did yoga before work. The day before, I cleaned. I know, Mom, I can come home, but in the words of your beloved daughter, "I can do it myself!" Insert stamping foot here.

I've noticed I'm moody and today at work, I almost cried when I realized we were out of foil wrap. All I could think was that if I was at an office, someplace civil or anywhere other than the food industry, this wouldn't happen. I'm not really a crier. I tear up at movies, but it generally takes a lot more, and I mean, a lot more to make me cry. Even as a kid I was like this. My mom would actually tell people, "I could beat her half to death and I bet she wouldn't even bat an eye." My boss/friend/person, who's son died in April, gave me a hug and that made me feel even worse because she, of all people, is the one that needs to be comforted.

I just wanted to write a post that didn't relate to the stress in my life right now.

Oh. Dammit.


  1. i'm praying for you maggie! if you believe in that stuff ;) *hugs*

  2. Oh Maggie! It won't be like that for long! I'm 100% sure you'll get your job as a teacher.
    A big hug.